Are You Worried About Your Family?

Our families are our greatest joy and our deepest sorrow. The intimacy of family relationships makes them vulnerable to conflicts and difficulties. We worry about our family members. We want them to have and be the best that they can be.

We worry about our financial situations, employment, aging parents, and the success of our children in school. We worry about who our children are hanging out with, where they are, and what they are doing. In hard times, we worry that we have enough to make ends meet, and how we will put food on the table.

All of these worries are part of our normal existence and lead us to take preventative measures such as purchasing insurance, taking out loans for educational advancement, and depositing money into the bank. We teach our children what they need to know to be safe, and make sure our values are passed on to the next generation.

And yet, worry can become problematic when it starts to affect our health and the well-being of our family. Take the "Worry Quiz," then continue reading to gain a greater understand of worry and how to deal with it.

The Worry Quiz is not a standardized psychological assessment nor a professional diagnosis, rather a tool created by the author to help you determine if worry is a problem for you and your family. The results are to be looked upon as suggestions, not directives.

Our worries are founded on the premise that we do not know the future. Allowing ourselves to get caught up in "What if?" thinking will increase our worry. Yes, there are bad things that happen in the world, but if we focus on them, we will be filled with fear and dread.

Differentiate between those things that we have control over and those that we do not. We are responsible for those things that happen within the walls of our own home. We teach our family members what to do in a spirit of love and cooperation, and our children will be trustworthy, responsible people. We depend on them to do what they have been taught.

Even then, once they leave the walls of our home, things happen that are beyond us. We trust that through all our teaching and training, they have the skills they need to live on their own.

Our worries increase as our children graduate from high school and leave home. We worry about how they provide for themselves, who they marry, and where they live. We want what is best for them and are concerned that their daily needs are being met. At the same time, there is not much we can do when they are far away from us.

We can sit around and fret and worry about them, or we can find things to do that we enjoy. Now is the time to develop a hobby, find new friends with similar interests, or to get involved with volunteer work. As we involve ourselves in the lives of others, our concerns about our grown children and their families will be reduced to a minimum.

Modern communication devices allow us to visit with them more than ever before. We text, call, e-mail, or even video conference, if we choose to do so. Allowing our children their own lives independent of us is a big part of growing up, and we allow that to happen.

Worry becomes a problem when it affects our personal health and well being. The following symptoms are red flags that indicate worry is an issue:

• Inability to fall asleep and stay asleep.
• Frequent headaches.
• Digestive disturbances.
• Frequent need to "clear" the throat.
• Sweating without physical activity.
• Frequent urination.

All of these issues stem from the increased adrenaline that comes with worry. Worry keeps the mind active and in a state of alert. Danger is perceived; therefore, the body defenses are in high gear. The body is ready to act to protect itself in the event that life is threatened. Even though there may be no "real" physical threat, the thought of possible threat becomes real based on past experience.

According to Insomnia-Free.com, it is better to worry during the day rather than at night. Follow the steps listed below:

1. Be firm - tell your brain that it is all right to worry, but that you are changing the worry time from night to during the day.
2. Set up an appointment - when you worry at night, get out your planner. Set up a time and place for the next day when you will think about it.
3. Repeat - Whenever you worry, remind yourself of your worry appointment and tell yourself that is when you will think about it, not now.
4. Follow through - keep your appointment. Go somewhere by yourself, think about the problem, take notes, and express your feelings.

Solving the problem is not the objective, rather spending time thinking about the problem and expressing your feelings to the point that when you lie down at night, you rest peacefully.

Setting a time for worry limits the effects of the adrenaline rush to a particular time and place and gives the body reprieve from the constant stress. Thoughts are more focused during the time set aside for worry, and less likely to go off on a tangent. We are able to help the situation rather than letting it control us.

A similar effect is accomplished through meditation, yoga, relaxation exercises, and writing in a journal. Our time and energy are focused on the accomplishment of a goal, and we train our body to relax on command. This is a tool for when we are anxious or worried. We flex our muscles, chant a mantra, or lie down and rest at will.

As people age, they are more likely to believe in God. This comes from the increased reassurance that all will be well in spite of what is happening around us. Our circle of influence increases as we add children and grandchildren to our world, so does the number of people for us to worry about.

Curb the constant thoughts about the safety and protection of our loved ones by putting them in the hands of God, and trust that he will look out for them. Have peace of mind and heart, then lie down at night knowing that they will be safe and protected.

Things happen that we cannot help, but because we have put our faith and trust in God, and left our loved ones in his care, our anxiety for their well-being is less. We rally friends and community members around us for increased faith and prayer in their behalf and feel a sense of purpose in our activity.

Death robs us of the company of our loved ones, and yet, with our strong relationship with God, we have peace and comfort. We know that we will see them again, and that we, ourselves, will be in their company. The closer we get to the reality of our own death, the stronger this faith becomes for us. It is the only way to find peace in this life, in spite of all that goes on around us.

Worry about our family does not have to be a controlling force in our lives, rather a catalyst to help us grow closer to our loving Heavenly Father. Indeed, we are his children, and he knows our needs better than we do ourselves!